This week I have been doing a whole lot of thinking. I started a little project called 52 list for 52 week which has totally provoked this thinking process. The first week went well, it was fun to make the list of all of the things I love. Week 2 was fun, but it wasn’t until I posted week 2 list of hobbies & read over it did I really become thought provoked. There are so many things that I use to enjoy doing that I no longer do, and for the most part I really do not know why I don’t do them. The main reason I rationalize that I do not particpate in certain hobbies anymore is because I am a mommy to Noah & am with him literally 24/7….so there is really no time for “me Free-time”. I’ve been trying hard to pin point when the “me Free-time” came to a halt… ???

I have discovered that it was nearly a year ago when we moved.

We moved away from my family & our very close friends nearly a year ago (this December). Just being honest, it has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I’ve gone through some ugly times too but I have really struggled, so much, with moving a days drive away. I have often felt silly for struggling so much with this, because thankfully I live in the same state, there has not been a death, & all of those other things that would reason why I might be struggling so much have not occurred. Then I realized that, I am thankful that I truly miss my family like crazy & I miss my sweet friendships more than someone who isn’t struggling once they move away, because that means that those are very real & irreplaceable relationships.

This past month has been by far the hardest for me simply because of different events & life circumstances that I have no control over. We moved when Noah was 8 months old and before that time I was still doing a lot of the things that I loved doing. I had family & friends that watched him for me so I could participate in those activities. Then when we moved I was still doing lots of the things I enjoyed, but then slowly lost the motivation to do them because I was in such a funk over missing so many sweet relationships. Skype & texting is great, but it is so not the same.

Recently, Johnny & I made the decision to sacrifice a few things so we could have Noah participate in a local mothers day out program twice a week. Noah has been attending for 3 weeks and he loves it & I enjoy the break. I have completed several projects that I wanted to finish & one week I slept (that was the week of the death flu). Even though I have gotten so many things completed, I realized that I have not yet done many of the things that I thought I would have by week 3 of my 12 hours p/week of freedom.

I say all of that above to say this…I often find myself saying, actually thinking more often than not, ” if I can just get through this day of missing my family & friends & doing this & that for the house, my son, & my family then tomorrow I will start doing this or that activity that I’ve really been wanting to do”

Although I have been very productive in the area of baking, decorating, upcycling, and wreath making I have yet to venture too far off into activities that I use to love doing outdoors. So at the risk of sounding like a Nike commercial advertisement, I just need to do it! Si? Si! Yes, I just need to start jogging again (if my poor left knee can take it) & rollerblading & biking & workout at the gym (if our pocket book will allow it). Even if the gym can’t happen anything else outdoorsy will do… Especially now that it kinda feels Fallish (eh – kinda) outside I wont die of a heat stroke pushing Noah in his stroller & he wont be cranky from sweating so much in his seat.

Anyhoo. The real matter to all of this is, Motivation. Motivation to stop missing what use to be and to start creating what is now in front of me. The problem with getting some motivation comes from the lack of reasoning on a daily basis to find the focus to re-direct energy currently spent on other things and onto said things mentioned above. So with that said, I go back to the Nike Ad, Just do it. Sounds cheesy, I’m aware, but with that, I act.

If your still with me…. thanks for listening to my blogness.